Or maybe it's just me. I keep setting myself up for a fall, believing that there's something where there really isn't anything. I don't see why I should care so much about him, he's nothing special. He's not who I want or what I need. But every word he says that's so clearly aimed at me is carefully calculated to wear my self-respect down that little bit more. Clearly I made a huge mistake. I thought he was decent and vaguely trustworthy. I thought wrong. I tried to warn him, as a friend, about a huge mistake he's bound to make if given half a chance. Just because he's tortured me doesn't mean I want to see the same thing happen to him. But of course, I'm only doing this because I'm jealous he says. Whatever. I'll return to my promiscuity and try my hardest not to feel anything for anyone ever again. It's probably best.
I didn't win at Colours, and in all honesty I never expected to. Tonight made me realise many things about myself, and the fact that I want to be yet more involved in the SU next year was the smallest of these realisations by a long way.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
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