Where did you go when the lights went black?

So Trio just posted their entire album on Myspace. I can finally listen without guilt. And I am SO glad I waited.
I don't know what I expected. Before I heard any of the songs I really thought I'd be disappointed. I thought there'd be a few songs I loved but the rest would be bland. I've never been so wrong. There's only one track I'm not too fond of, the rest are magnificent. Like all the best bits of my favourite songs put together in one superb package. I cried a little, I won't lie.

Best. Year. Ever.




Oh and I have an interview to do some rubbish sales and marketing thing next week. I hate myself.

Completely forgot to add the bold to that setlist.

Born to be my baby.
Always.
Blood On Blood.
Dry County.

Those ones are from my top 5.

These five words I swear to you

Bon Jovi. Oh my god.
Living On A Prayer.
Born To Be My Baby.
Keep The Faith.
It's My Life.
I'll Be There For You.
Blaze Of Glory.
Wanted.
Bad Medicine.
You Give Love A Bad Name.
Someday I'll Be Saturday Night
ALWAYS!!! <3
Have A Nice Day
Who Says You Can't Go Home?
Sleep When I'm Dead
In These Arms
Dry County
Diamond Ring
Blood On Blood
I'd Die For You

The 4 in bold are all from my top 5 Bon Jovi songs. They played 4 or 5 songs off the new album too, but compared to last time that's nothing. I was over the moon. Always was my favourite song for 8 years, it was just stunning.

Other than that I have little to tell. I went to the gym on Friday, I finally had a shift at work on Saturday. I worked in a suite at Haydock Park, made £11.80 in tips which was pretty sweet. It wasn't a hard shift, so really I can't complain.

Yet another development in the mess that is my love life. I've changed my mind yet again, and come to a decision which actually works. I feel considerably better.

Whatever happened to that silly dream you had?

This week. Much the same as all the weeks before, truth be told. I've come close to making a decision about my trainwreck love life, although recently I'm falling back towards yet another guy I can't have. These things seem to follow me.

I've been to the gym a lot and applied for a lot more jobs. I'm bored and restless, and I don't like it one bit.

Over the past few days I've watched Finding Nemo, Batman, Batman Returns and Monsters, Inc. All fantastic films.
Today is Orange Wednesday, so I saw The Incredible Hulk with Jennie. Whilst the dialogue was stilted and lacking a lot in the way of emotion, a superhero film (in my eyes) doesn't need it so much as it needs fantastic action and a good villain. Both of which Hulk has. Wonderful. 7/10.

Erykah tagged me to do this. I only know of 2 people who read my blog so I shalln't bother tagging myself, but as I was commanded, I shall do as I'm told.
List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. Pink Roses - Glassjaw It just came on my WMP and I absolutely adore it. My favourite Glassjaw song, I never get tired of it. Plus, it's coming up to a year since I saw them and I'm in pure nostalgia mode.
2. Murder - Ashlee Simpson I love Ashlee Simpson a fair bit. This is my fave song off the new album and I seem to listen to it at least twice a day at the moment. Partially because it's on my gym playlist and partially because I just love it.
3. London Bridge - Fergie I don't know. I really don't. I just can't stop listening to it.
4. In Vein - Alkaline Trio Nearly time for the new album. I'm resisting downloading the leaked version, so I've stuck with the EP and this is my favourite song on it.
5. Jetlag - Frank Turner Easily the most beautiful song I've heard in ages. Stunning. Not much more to be said.
6. We're All Alone - Architects I haven't seen them in a while, and with Ghostfest being a possibility I started listening to them again. In my opinion, probably the best song they've ever written. Not my favourite, but their best.
7. Wake The Dead - Comeback Kid Tune. Simple as. Listen to it in the gym a lot and at home to get me excited for seeing them next month. Even though I'm already excited.

I'll do a proper blog update soon maybe. I don't have much to say.

In an attempt to get the creative juices flowing again, I did a freewrite this afternoon. I spent five minutes writing on a title given on allpoetry: The inconvenience of being uninspired. Whilst the freewrite itself was nothing special, I took my highlighter to a few phrases which echoed my feelings quite accurately whilst simultaneously continuing my previous writing style and giving me room to write more.
I came up with a flowing prose...thing. Shocking that an English student has no idea what to call this. Anyway, I'm glad that it's the first thing in my new notebook, because I think it very accurately describes myself and the processes I'll be going through to write again.

My thoughts are unpoetic. What runs through my head is not unique or beautiful. I am not visionary. I cannot fill these pages merely by willing the words to appear. Each rounded, looped, crossed and dotted letter is the product of a mechanical thought. That which is mechanic is forced and planned - it can never be poetic.
If I were a great Romantic I would dedicate every line of this book to the muses, to Classical deities long forgotten and never believed in. I am a cynic in an age of atheism; the muses have forsaken me because I choose not to believe in them. A fair and mutual agreement I think.
I am not a great Romantic. My thoughts are unpoetic. Each curl of my hair does not drip assonance and similes. My blood does not cry out in metaphor or apostrophise an absent lover. My heart does not beat in iambic pentameter, my pulse has no foot. There is no romance in my body, just as there is no poetry in my mind.
Beauty cannot inspire me, yet it moves me. My soul craves melody, harmony and song. I no longer sing with my own words.
I need beauty in all things, but I am not a Romantic. I am no aesthete. I am not a poet.

They found me face down in the street

I've spent the last two days reading, basking in the sun and listening to my favourite band. My new phone arrived, and I played darts. That's all. Whilst I would normally be twitching to do something by now, my sleep pattern has left me appreciating my lazy days considerably more than usual.

Tomorrow I'm spending the entire day with Jennie, doing girly things and joining the gym. I've gone far too long without any kind of exercise, and I need something to fill up some time and get me out of the house. We'll see how it goes.

Films. I'm putting off the PT Film Club review for a little longer, as we're still waiting for a fair few people to watch the film and make discussion worthwhile. Today I watched The Aristocats, a classic Disney film (despite there being so much of Robin Hood in it!). Really there's not much more you can say, childhood films are wonderful, particularly Disney classics. I've just finished Children of Men. I can't quite decide exactly how I feel about it. The uprising scene is fantastic in every way, and almost makes up for the rest of the film failing to really grip me as it probably should have done. I think the problem is that, as far as visions of the future of mankind go, I've become rather too well acquainted with V For Vendetta, and find this to be considerably lacking in many of the things which made that film so great. Clive Owen is quite good, although on reflection he hardly speaks. Perhaps that's why. On a scale of 1-10 I'd say a generic 6 - nothing special, but not particularly apalling either.

I hope this is goodbye

I change my mind everyday when it comes to him. I know I'm a fool, falling for everything he says when I know it's all lies. And yet, every time he comes into my life I do the same thing. The more I can convince myself that I'll never mean anything to him, the easier this whole business will be. I can't do this anymore.

On a more positive note, I found a job. Another hospitality agency, much like the one I work for in London, only this one deals primarily in sporting events. With four offices around the country, we get to travel around a fair bit (with travel, accommodation and food paid for by the company if we have to stay somewhere). I'm looking forward to getting my first job emails through tomorrow, I'm itching to get out and start working. We get paid weekly as well, so I'll be able to get into my budget habits again. In theory at least.

I spent yesterday in Liverpool at DM's gig. Well, in truth I hardly spent any time at the show, as Sheen and Chris kept deciding to go wandering and I went with them. It was good to see Sheeny again, our regular 6-month catch up as we're beginning to see it. We talked about old times, pop punk and messed up love lives. Considering it was the first time I've met Chris we got on really well, mostly because we have a similar taste in music. If it means I don't have to go to The Black Dahlia Murder alone on Wednesday, I shalln't complain. Seeing DM is always wonderful, it's just a shame it doesn't happen more often. Although this year we appear to be setting a new record for actual face-to-face interaction.

I watched Elephant earlier this week, but I'm going to hold off on reviewing it, as I want it to be my choice for the PT film club. Speaking of which, I'm watching this week's right now. Review in a couple of days once the discussion is really under way.

Telling myself it's true

I spent last night with him. A boy who means more to me than I've ever liked to admit, even to myself. Recently I've come to realise that people change as the times change, and that maybe someone you once never believed can now be trusted. This theory will be put to the test over the next few weeks, I'm sure, but for now I'm playing it by ear. Which is not a process I enjoy. Needs must however, and I'm happy just to have him back in my life. We drank, we talked, we watched films and we laughed. I love Leeds, and it really is an option for my MA. But looking deeper into the courses today, Sheffield stand out so much more. Any course where I can study realism, Russian literature and the evolution of Chartism is clearly tailor made for me. But that's another bridge to be crossed later.

Films.
Yesterday I watched La Vie en Rose, an absolutely fantastic biography of Edith Piaf. Whilst subtitled films obviously require much greater concentration than my usual fare, I found that I was still able to connect to the characters and tragedies on the screen. In terms of cinematography the entire film was evocative of its era, lush yet muted colours which truly suited the time and place of the action. Marion Cotillard was a revelation, and I understand the Awards buzz around her now. Wonderful.
Today has been a mixed bag. Black Sheep is awful. That's all that needs to be said. The Lost Boys, whilst enjoyable, felt distant to me. I felt no real interest or connection, and merely treated the film as something to look at rather than watch. Bright Young Things on the other hand was phenomenal. As with La Vie en Rose, the entire cinematography and feel of the film created the period setting so wonderfully that I almost felt as though I was enjoying the decadent '30s myself. Funny, smart, colourful and sarcastic in a way that screams of Mr. Fry, any film involving James McAvoy and David Tennant could hardly have failed to disappoint me.

Crashing inside you like motorbikes

Now that I've removed the choler from my system with my earlier post, I can focus on the more day-to-day things.
I moved home yesterday. Whilst I'm happy to be back somewhere where I don't have to worry about bills or cooking, I'm a little restless already. My concentration is non-existant, I'm struggling to find a job, and my creativity is at an all-time low. I'm going to set myself some poetry tasks to start writing again, although admittedly I've said that repeatedly this year. And last year. And the year before.

I watched the first Punktastic Film Club film last week, and as our discussion has started now, I'll post my review.

Sharkwater is not the type of film I would usually watch. Despite this, I found myself drawn into the plight of the sharks by the passion of the filmmaker and the sheer beauty of the shots. Combining the pure emotion of the anti-finning community with scientific facts aiming to confront the negative image of the shark, against the brutality and stupidity of the hunters and governments supporting the finning trade, the documentary manages to both inform and move the viewer at the same time. For someone who had no idea about the finning trade and the extensive nature of shark hunting, such as myself, the film provided an encompassing view of the entire problem. The final screen informs us that 15,000 sharks have been killed whilst the film has played - 15,000 in 2 hours. Pause for thought indeed.

I am not afraid to keep on living

It was inevitable. I've ranted to various friends about it so much that a blog was bound to happen. So here it is.

The death of Hannah Bond has sparked yet another debate into the influence music has on people's lives. The poor girl happened to be a My Chemical Romance fan, therefore the band must be responsible for her depression. Yes, I am a MCR fan, but I'm going to write this in a completely unbiased way. Although I am listening to The Black Parade as I write. But that's just because it's a very good album.

The "suicide cult" of MCR, as it was termed by that pillar of journalistic integrity, the Daily Mail, is ludicrous. This is a band who use every chance they get to speak out against suicide and self-harming. A band with a very large following in the difficult teenage years of people's lives. A band with possibly the most passionate fans I have ever met in my life. A band who truly care about the impact their music has on the lives of their fans. The Daily Mail of course chose to ignore the various quotes I could use to support my argument, and which the Black Parade in London on Saturday publicised very well.

This has sparked a large level of debate about "emo" music and how it encourages depression, self-harm and suicide in its fanbase. As someone who went through a very dark period as a teenager, and whose life was honestly saved by music, I feel so strongly about this whole issue that I can barely phrase a sentence. Teenagers have a hard time. It's the way it is and the way it always has been. The way it always will be in fact. It's called puberty people. Everyone goes through a learning curve as a teenager, and EVERYONE copes in different ways. I personally withdrew into myself, devoted myself to music, spent all my time and money at shows, lived through the internet and wore more black than usual. I think anyone who knows me will agree that this seems to have done the trick for me - I'm still alive and I have the best friends in the world. I've never hurt myself or anyone around me, but I would by no means condemn anyone who had found self-harm or suicide to be their only release.

What the press seem to have neglected in this whole thing is just why Hannah killed herself. I've just looked through the websites of all the major newspapers and the coverage given by some of them is laughable. The Sun - "She joined the cult based around a genre of rock music with sad themes and emotional lyrics, hence emo. Fans wear black and have dark hair. Many self harm and Hannah was among them". The Telegraph - "Hannah Bond, 13, hanged herself from a bunk bed in her bedroom with a tie believing her death would impress fellow followers of the “emo” movement, it was said" and "She had even scratched her wrists in a form of self-harm often seen as a form of initiation into the popular fashion and lifestyle fad followed by young people who dress in black like their older “Goth” crowd". And, of course, The Mail. Too many gems to pick from. But I personally liked this part, defining the characteristics of the 'emo':
"Emos like guitar-based rock with emotional lyrics.
American bands such as My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte and Blink 182 are particular favourites."

How anyone could define Blink 182 as a band that are part of a suicide cult is beyond me, and Good Charlotte saved my life. It's that simple. Alongside MCR, GC are one of the most outspoken bands when it comes to suicide. They could never be accused of promoting or glamourising self-harm. Listen to "Hold On" people, you know I'm right.

Hannah left a suicide note, but of course the contents won't be published. This is fair enough, but I'm sure it would shed some light on the issues really at the heart of this tragedy. Her parents seem content to let a musical genre and a band that clearly meant a lot to their daughter be blamed, which to me seems to prove that they really missed the point. This band was important to Hannah, that much is clear. If I killed myself now, would people blame Trio?

Last week a guy from my class at FPHS had half of his ear bitten off when he was attacked by a gang of chavs. Last August, Sophie Lancaster was beaten to death by chavs for being a goth in Whitworth/Bacup - part of my hometown, technically speaking. Whilst what happens in Rochdale is nothing unique, growing up here has given me an insight into the link between music and life. Music and happiness. Without music, I doubt I'd be here now. Music gave me my closest friends, my fondest memories and my greatest dreams. The wider fashions attached to any particular genre of music are optional - listening to MCR doesn't automatically make you dress in a soldier jacket and wear ridiculous amounts of eyeliner, it's always your decision. People want to feel a bond with those around them, and if the bond that they find comes from dressing in skinny jeans and listening to Taking Back Sunday, then why should we object? I know for a fact that my parents were glad to see me and my brother going to shows and playing in a band whilst many of the other kids at our school were getting drunk on street corners and fighting with everyone that didn't worship them. I've never once heard a report of a gang of "goths" or "emos" stabbing a chav for dressing differently. Think about it, and I bet you never have either.

Of course, I'm doing much the same thing as the press has. I'm stereotyping, I know that. But for the purpose of argument, labels are the easiest way to describe what I mean in an instantly recognisable way. Everyone will know what I mean by what I've said above, and that's the point. What I am NOT doing is deconstructing the label and explaining why the components of it are responsible for the behaviour of those branded by it. I am by no means saying that everyone who appears to be a chav would fight, drink or kill, or that the music they listen to or the clothes they wear are responsible for their behaviour.

And that's where I differ from the press. I understand the concept of individual choice and personality determining actions. Music means more to me than anything else, and I will defend it against any attack. ANY music, whether I like it or not.

No musician can be blamed for anything a fan does. They tried to blame Marilyn Manson for Columbine (worst choice of scapegoat ever). Rap music is regularly blamed for shootings and glamourising violence. And now it seems 'emo' is to be blamed for any alternative teenager having issues too great for them to deal with.


This is the worst structured rant ever, but I think I've got a lot of what's on my mind out.