Can't say I blame you one bit

I told him. As predicted, he doesn't feel the same, although I've finally found out who his mystery crush is. He was a darling about the whole thing, as I should have known he would be. Proof if needed that if he'd just feel the same he would be perfect.

But why should I expect perfect? Nothing ever is for me. I'll never be the one he wants, and recently I've doubted if I'll ever be the one anyone wants again. I seem to be the one people turn to when there's nothing better on offer, but I'm never the first choice. Even amongst my friends it's a feeling I'm getting more and more frequently.

I'm hitting depression again, despite how hard I've fought against it for the past few weeks. This is not good.


I'll focus on the positives. Once I find them. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music.


I'm going to work. I need a distraction. It's not him that's got me down, I only told him to make myself feel better by having the closure I needed. That bit worked. I'm happier about that whole situation. But a lot of the things we talk about make me realise that nothing in my life is how it should be. It hasn't been for a while, and I really can't see how it will be ever again.